Listen, folks, marriage is nothing like the romance novels or television. Marriage is just real. It's as real as it can get. And if you really want to know how to make your marriage successful, then start with yourself. Are you happy with yourself? Really? Because if you aren't happy with you and you cannot forgive yourself and love yourself in a balanced way then what makes you think that you will ever be able to do that with anyone else? Especially a spouse?
Another checkpoint would be where you are in your friendships and social circles. Can you handle intimate relationships? Do you find it more comfortable keeping people at a distance? Are you searching for someone to make you happy? Do you want someone else to make you feel good about yourself? Do you need the approval of those around you? Hmmm...
I think the reason that marriages fail so often is because people, even Christians, go in with unrealistic expectations. Too often a spouse is shocked or surprised when the other spouse is not the person he/she thought the other was. It happens. That's why marriage should be an institution that is entered into with great thought and planning.
One of my pet peeves when it comes to reasons for divorce is the "he/she just doesn't make me happy anymore." You sound like a child who has grown tired of a toy and is looking for a new one to keep himself entertained. Seriously? We're talking about a commitment where you promised to stick beside this person for life in sickness and health, for richer or poorer, for better or worse. What happened to that? Oh, those commitments are only valid as long as you are content and "happy.:"
Well...before you jump into such a commitment, maybe it would be pertinent to you to think this through a little more. Maybe you might want to consider what makes you happy and how to go about achieving that state of mind regardless of what is going on around you.
It's taken me fifty years, but I'm finally beginning to see progress in this area of my life. Oh, don't get me wrong. I'm still light years from achieving a permanent state of inner zen, but I'm far closer today than I was yesterday. And it has all come through a lot of work. I've had to face some hard, ugly truths about myself and deal with those things before I could move forward. And I had to learn how to move forward by looking forward rather than trying to keep at least one eye on the rear view.
If you are in a marriage and considering putting an end to it, please, put a little more thought into it before you make any major decisions. If you really stop and look, these decisions will affect far more people than you knew. And the impact of these decisions will follow you and those far longer than you realize.
People can't make us happy. And it isn't fair to put that much responsibility on any one, especially your spouse. Trust me when I say that while you think all of those little annoying traits, habits, or other things that you are using to rationalize divorce are justified, there is someone somewhere who won't care and will accept your spouse for who he/she is just to have someone to share a meal with. Marriage is about a lot more than your happiness. I'm just saying...
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