Listen, folks, marriage is nothing like the romance novels or television. Marriage is just real. It's as real as it can get. And if you really want to know how to make your marriage successful, then start with yourself. Are you happy with yourself? Really? Because if you aren't happy with you and you cannot forgive yourself and love yourself in a balanced way then what makes you think that you will ever be able to do that with anyone else? Especially a spouse?
Another checkpoint would be where you are in your friendships and social circles. Can you handle intimate relationships? Do you find it more comfortable keeping people at a distance? Are you searching for someone to make you happy? Do you want someone else to make you feel good about yourself? Do you need the approval of those around you? Hmmm...
I think the reason that marriages fail so often is because people, even Christians, go in with unrealistic expectations. Too often a spouse is shocked or surprised when the other spouse is not the person he/she thought the other was. It happens. That's why marriage should be an institution that is entered into with great thought and planning.
One of my pet peeves when it comes to reasons for divorce is the "he/she just doesn't make me happy anymore." You sound like a child who has grown tired of a toy and is looking for a new one to keep himself entertained. Seriously? We're talking about a commitment where you promised to stick beside this person for life in sickness and health, for richer or poorer, for better or worse. What happened to that? Oh, those commitments are only valid as long as you are content and "happy.:"
Well...before you jump into such a commitment, maybe it would be pertinent to you to think this through a little more. Maybe you might want to consider what makes you happy and how to go about achieving that state of mind regardless of what is going on around you.
It's taken me fifty years, but I'm finally beginning to see progress in this area of my life. Oh, don't get me wrong. I'm still light years from achieving a permanent state of inner zen, but I'm far closer today than I was yesterday. And it has all come through a lot of work. I've had to face some hard, ugly truths about myself and deal with those things before I could move forward. And I had to learn how to move forward by looking forward rather than trying to keep at least one eye on the rear view.
If you are in a marriage and considering putting an end to it, please, put a little more thought into it before you make any major decisions. If you really stop and look, these decisions will affect far more people than you knew. And the impact of these decisions will follow you and those far longer than you realize.
People can't make us happy. And it isn't fair to put that much responsibility on any one, especially your spouse. Trust me when I say that while you think all of those little annoying traits, habits, or other things that you are using to rationalize divorce are justified, there is someone somewhere who won't care and will accept your spouse for who he/she is just to have someone to share a meal with. Marriage is about a lot more than your happiness. I'm just saying...
Saturday, August 16, 2014
Perspective
Recently I had to face the realization that I was a narcissistic, vain, arrogant, obnoxious, self-righteous know-it-all. It was not a pleasant experience, at all. But it was very much like having a dam break in my life. I had no idea just how skewed my perspective was. Since dealing with this self-realization, I have come to see so many situations, circumstances, and people in such a brighter light.
Day 68 of 365 Days of Transformation
I often daydream of how I would have done things differently if God were to give me the gift of going back to a certain point in time with the wisdom I now have. As I was doing this, the Holy Spirit helped me to realize that love is the most important aspect of this whole endeavor of transformation.
I've heard Joyce Meyer pose the question, "What if every Christian in the world lived like Christ?" And, even now, just thinking about that makes me pause and catch my breath. What would happen if I lived every second I have left here like Christ? The first people that come to mind are Kay Hendrix, Pastor Keith Jones, and Ricky Hendon. But I have such a long list of mentors God has graciously placed in my life that I could probably go on for days. And the common thread through each one is their unwavering ability to just love.
Love by the world's standards has become so twisted and convoluted that many have come to doubt that there is such a thing as real love. And that is exactly what the devil wants. Love, real love, that is powerful and life-changing requires the one giving it to usually make some sort of sacrifice. Not always, but usually. And very few today would honestly say that sacrifice is something that he/she would do willingly.
But that's what Jesus did. He gave everything - and I mean everything - up to take on a flesh suit and become a human so that He could lay His life down and buy us back exactly where each of us are at this very second. Love.
So, if God Himself can take on every sin of every human that ever was born or will be born, then what kind of example does that set for me? I am His creation, created in His glorious image, and given free will which sets me apart from every other creation on this planet. My transformation must be rooted in this kind of love, God's love for me.
Will it be easy? No. I've watched Pastor Keith Jones and Ricky Hendon. I've listened to Tammy Harvey and Kay Hendrix and Joyce Meyer and Kenneth Copeland and Pastor Joseph Prince and SO many others. Love is the most difficult thing that I can change about myself because a Christ-like love requires that I keep my eyes/mind off me and keep them focused on everyone and everything else around me. It requires that I esteem (set a high value on) all others more than myself. It means not being worried about "What about me?" but thinking "What about him/her/them?"
So, today is where I began that part of this journey. Will I fall? Absolutely. I am human and I fall short of the glory of God requiring me to seek our my Savior. Thank God I have Jesus Who has already conquered the world. My objective here is not that I do it perfectly, but I strive for perfection perfectly. And that means never giving up. Running the race. Facing the failures but learning from them so that I don't make the same mistake again.
I'm coming out of the wilderness and marching/running into the promised land. And I can see my heavenly Father running to meet me just as the father did when he finally saw his prodigal son returning, beaten down and worn by the world because of the bad choices and selfish decisions he had made.
Why do I believe this? Because I believe that it's God's desire that not one of us perish. It's His desire to bless each and every one of us. I am His and nothing - NOTHING - can ever snatch me from His hand. And it all starts with love.
So, my prayer is that today, I will love more freely, deeper, and more selflessly than I ever have before. I've written this in a journal of daily confessions that I have started. It's my hope that by the 365th day of this journey, maybe, just maybe, someone somewhere will be impacted by this tiny flutter of my butterfly wings and invite God in to radically change his/her life forever.
I've heard Joyce Meyer pose the question, "What if every Christian in the world lived like Christ?" And, even now, just thinking about that makes me pause and catch my breath. What would happen if I lived every second I have left here like Christ? The first people that come to mind are Kay Hendrix, Pastor Keith Jones, and Ricky Hendon. But I have such a long list of mentors God has graciously placed in my life that I could probably go on for days. And the common thread through each one is their unwavering ability to just love.
Love by the world's standards has become so twisted and convoluted that many have come to doubt that there is such a thing as real love. And that is exactly what the devil wants. Love, real love, that is powerful and life-changing requires the one giving it to usually make some sort of sacrifice. Not always, but usually. And very few today would honestly say that sacrifice is something that he/she would do willingly.
But that's what Jesus did. He gave everything - and I mean everything - up to take on a flesh suit and become a human so that He could lay His life down and buy us back exactly where each of us are at this very second. Love.
So, if God Himself can take on every sin of every human that ever was born or will be born, then what kind of example does that set for me? I am His creation, created in His glorious image, and given free will which sets me apart from every other creation on this planet. My transformation must be rooted in this kind of love, God's love for me.
Will it be easy? No. I've watched Pastor Keith Jones and Ricky Hendon. I've listened to Tammy Harvey and Kay Hendrix and Joyce Meyer and Kenneth Copeland and Pastor Joseph Prince and SO many others. Love is the most difficult thing that I can change about myself because a Christ-like love requires that I keep my eyes/mind off me and keep them focused on everyone and everything else around me. It requires that I esteem (set a high value on) all others more than myself. It means not being worried about "What about me?" but thinking "What about him/her/them?"
So, today is where I began that part of this journey. Will I fall? Absolutely. I am human and I fall short of the glory of God requiring me to seek our my Savior. Thank God I have Jesus Who has already conquered the world. My objective here is not that I do it perfectly, but I strive for perfection perfectly. And that means never giving up. Running the race. Facing the failures but learning from them so that I don't make the same mistake again.
I'm coming out of the wilderness and marching/running into the promised land. And I can see my heavenly Father running to meet me just as the father did when he finally saw his prodigal son returning, beaten down and worn by the world because of the bad choices and selfish decisions he had made.
Why do I believe this? Because I believe that it's God's desire that not one of us perish. It's His desire to bless each and every one of us. I am His and nothing - NOTHING - can ever snatch me from His hand. And it all starts with love.
So, my prayer is that today, I will love more freely, deeper, and more selflessly than I ever have before. I've written this in a journal of daily confessions that I have started. It's my hope that by the 365th day of this journey, maybe, just maybe, someone somewhere will be impacted by this tiny flutter of my butterfly wings and invite God in to radically change his/her life forever.
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