I love how the Holy Spirit quietly teaches through everyday routines. IF we are listening, He is teaching. Today, as I attempted to prune one of our more hardier rose bushes, my mind was just quiet. (Probably one of the more perfect atmospheres for the Holy Spirit to teach in.)
As I snipped away at tiny little branches that were either dead, dying, not producing, or producing very little, the Holy Spirit began to point out to me that this was necessary so that not only would the remaining branches that were doing well prosper, but new growth could begin. I began to think about those areas of my life that were just taking up time and space, that neither produced anything or promoted new growth. The Holy Spirit helped me to understand that I needed to prune those areas out of my life. Some of these things may not be damaging at all, but they take up part of my life while not producing any fruit or contributing any at all to my overall growth. Right off the bat I thought of several little things that I do that are just time wasters and of no consequence. I knew that the Holy Spirit had been calling me to put those things away. This only served to confirm it further.
I continued to snip and put the dead pieces in my little garden wagon while I considered these things. The Holy Spirit continued to teach. I suddenly recalled a time in my life when I was really struggling. I had went to Pastor Keith Jones for counsel. Pastor began to talk to me about pruning and how it never felt good during the process. And I could suddenly hear Stephanie Sasser and Kay Hendrix telling me that sometimes we just aren't ready to hear what God is saying to us. That was the case when Pastor was trying to help me understand what God was doing in my life.
I not only kept "kicking against the goads," but I remember finally coming to a place when I was so worn down and so tired of fighting, so tired of trying to be a good person, I just gave up and told God that I didn't want to be pruned anymore. I just wanted to be left alone. The Holy Spirit reminded me of what Pastor Jentezen Franklin teaches in his book, The Spirit of Python. Once demons make themselves at home, they just want to be left alone. And I realized suddenly what I had done when I muttered that prayer.
God honored that prayer and left me alone, but He didn't give up on me. I went from wanting to be left alone to just wanting to be alone. I spiraled into an ever deepening abyss of food addiction, depression, bitterness, and just a whole lot of other emotional, mental, and physical issues. I chose to drug myself with television rather than seek God in His Word and in prayer. The enemy didn't have to steal anything from me during that time. I was freely giving it all to him.
But by God's grace, a turn-around began in 2010. I was going through some scary times financially and I ran to God. I remember one morning that I was done being afraid. I was done cowering in the shadows. And I told God that I was ready to fight. I was ready to do this His way. And if it meant pruning, then I would welcome it because the alternative was something that I could not live with anymore.
I wish I could tell you that I have had victory every day since that prayer but I want to be an honest person. I have fallen more often than not these last four years. But, just as the father ran to and grabbed hold of his prodigal son upon the son's return, so did my heavenly Father run to me and grab hold of me.
In the simple task of pruning a rose bush, the Holy Spirit helped me to understand myself. The rose bush has just finished an incredible season of new blossoms, but now it looks a little tired and haggard. Like the rose bush, right now, I'm not all that spiritually beautiful and outstanding, but the Holy Spirit is pruning me so that new growth can begin and rest and re-freshening can happen. And after every season of beautiful blooms, I'll most likely need to be pruned again so that new growth can begin to form while the rest of me recovers and renews. Pruning is just a part of life.
Another thing that I have come to realize. When I pray, I have this preconceived idea of what I think the journey and answer will look like. Silly me. I lovingly serve and am loved by the only true living God Who is bigger than this universe which is approximately 15+ billion light years in diameter. So, it only makes sense that His ways are no less than 15+ billion light years higher than mine. So, it should be no surprise to me that His answer to my prayer involves a journey and end result that most of the time in no way resembles my preconceived notion at all. But it is always the best thing for me. I'm pretty sure that Joseph was wondering how he was suppose to be a great ruler when he was sold into slavery then falsely accused and left in a dungeon for years. I wonder if Joseph knew that he was being pruned?
