I'm not one who normally believes in coincidence, so I'm not going with coincidence on this either. I find it highly ironic that just days after the political eruption in Egypt, there is one almost identical in Libya. One could argue that perhaps the Libyans were simply inspired by the actions of their neighbors. But how could so much death and catastrophe be inspiring?
I suppose this is where I need to step out and take a different perspective. I would have to assume (always a dangerous position) that people would have to be at a breaking point, so desperate for change that the risk of the life of a loved one would be worth it if appropriate change were to be brought about. The lives of a few for the survival and well-being of many. But isn't that what war is all about?
As Americans, we have been blessed in that our land has not known war since the 1800's. After the Civil War, things began to settle down for the most part in that regard. I cannot imagine and don't want to find out what it would be like to have one of my sons disappear in a protest like those I've witnessed on the news lately. The agony of not knowing where he was or what was happening to him. The helplessness of it all would most likely break my mind in some way. Or to have one of them injured and to not be able to get adequate medical care for fear of being killed or abducted on the way. Still, to have to listen to my grandchildren cry for food or clean water and not to be able to provide for them because the social structure of my country has broken down and chaos now rules.
As I read these disturbing headlines, I am compelled to fall onto my knees and to raise my face to God and shout praise to Him for blessing me and my family to have been born here. So many people berate our country. Yes, we have problems in our government. Yes, we need reform at every level. Yes, there are numerous issues that need to be resolved. But, today, most of us have safe homes, clean water, and food. As a nation, we have cracks. But if every person began doing whatever he or she could today to help heal those cracks, we can push our country another step away from becoming what we are reading in the headlines. If we work the system and vote in the leaders we believe will listen to us and do what we ask, that's another step in the right direction. There is much that each of us can do as individuals if only we would.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
On Funerals and Family Gatherings
My beautiful aunt passed away this week. Her only son had not been to see her since July 4 of last year. He only came when his dad's first cousin and closest friend made him come this past Monday. His mother made her peace with him. She saw him one last time.
So, I have to ask myself why is it that so many families have dropped the tradition of gathering except at such dismal functions as funerals? I mean, why bother coming to the funeral if you didn't even like the person enough to visit while he or she was alive? I understand why people who are so seemingly busy making a living or raising a family or having a life in general would avoid someone with whom they share no commonalities. I get that. I understand why people avoid family because of the stress and strife that is usually associated with such functions. But I seriously don't get why we make such a great effort to go to someone's funeral if we haven't been making the effort to visit that person while he or she was alive. Why bother now? It's not like that person is going to rise from the dead and say, "Wow. I'm so glad to see you finally!"
I think that it goes back to pride and guilt. We make the effort to go to the funeral because we want to show everyone that we "care." Hmph. Care? We care because we show up to look at the dead body? Where's the care in that? Now, if you are coming to the funeral to offer support to the grieving family, I get that. But, too often, that's not even the case. So many just come, sign the book, look at the body, visit with others for about 15 to 20 minutes, then leave. On the return trip, they discuss how bad or how fat or how old everyone still alive looks.
Oh, there are those whose only concern is for the family. They are the ones who call, who stay with the family before, during, and after. I've had people like that come to my aid. But that is a rare breed of people. They are indeed great friends. And there are those who wait for the dust to settle and then show up at the doors of the grieving. They, too, are true heroes. They show up to help stave off the doubts, the "what-ifs" and "if onlys." They sit and listen to you cry or just sit and listen to nothing while you say nothing. They help you find your footing again in a world that may not make sense now that the one you are grieving is gone.
Having said all of this, these are the lessons I choose to take from this experience. I will make a conscience effort to gather with estranged family and friends. I will remember every day what a blessing it is to have another day to tell loved ones that I love them. To show them that I love them. A good friend once told me that people shouldn't wait until one day every year to give others gifts. We should give gifts when we see something we know someone would enjoy,needs, or wants. He also told me that people shouldn't wait until Mother's Day to show a mom how special she is. Rather, people should celebrate their mothers on their birthdays otherwise how would a birthday be possible if not for the woman who carried and nurtured that baby for nine months of her life?
I've learned a lot about family and love this week. About regrets and how to prevent them. I pray that God will give me the grace to change and become a woman that shows love daily to those around her rather than waiting until a special day or until that person is cold with death. Imagine what the world would be like if we each just simply stopped taking time for granted and started using it to love others while they are with us.
So, I have to ask myself why is it that so many families have dropped the tradition of gathering except at such dismal functions as funerals? I mean, why bother coming to the funeral if you didn't even like the person enough to visit while he or she was alive? I understand why people who are so seemingly busy making a living or raising a family or having a life in general would avoid someone with whom they share no commonalities. I get that. I understand why people avoid family because of the stress and strife that is usually associated with such functions. But I seriously don't get why we make such a great effort to go to someone's funeral if we haven't been making the effort to visit that person while he or she was alive. Why bother now? It's not like that person is going to rise from the dead and say, "Wow. I'm so glad to see you finally!"
I think that it goes back to pride and guilt. We make the effort to go to the funeral because we want to show everyone that we "care." Hmph. Care? We care because we show up to look at the dead body? Where's the care in that? Now, if you are coming to the funeral to offer support to the grieving family, I get that. But, too often, that's not even the case. So many just come, sign the book, look at the body, visit with others for about 15 to 20 minutes, then leave. On the return trip, they discuss how bad or how fat or how old everyone still alive looks.
Oh, there are those whose only concern is for the family. They are the ones who call, who stay with the family before, during, and after. I've had people like that come to my aid. But that is a rare breed of people. They are indeed great friends. And there are those who wait for the dust to settle and then show up at the doors of the grieving. They, too, are true heroes. They show up to help stave off the doubts, the "what-ifs" and "if onlys." They sit and listen to you cry or just sit and listen to nothing while you say nothing. They help you find your footing again in a world that may not make sense now that the one you are grieving is gone.
Having said all of this, these are the lessons I choose to take from this experience. I will make a conscience effort to gather with estranged family and friends. I will remember every day what a blessing it is to have another day to tell loved ones that I love them. To show them that I love them. A good friend once told me that people shouldn't wait until one day every year to give others gifts. We should give gifts when we see something we know someone would enjoy,needs, or wants. He also told me that people shouldn't wait until Mother's Day to show a mom how special she is. Rather, people should celebrate their mothers on their birthdays otherwise how would a birthday be possible if not for the woman who carried and nurtured that baby for nine months of her life?
I've learned a lot about family and love this week. About regrets and how to prevent them. I pray that God will give me the grace to change and become a woman that shows love daily to those around her rather than waiting until a special day or until that person is cold with death. Imagine what the world would be like if we each just simply stopped taking time for granted and started using it to love others while they are with us.
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